100% uncalled for

Imagine sitting at your desk trying to do some math. Not that you absolutely hate it. More like you are afraid of not being able to solve it, but you really want to do it. Music is peacefully playing. Your back does hurt somewhat but you try to focus on Sine and Cosine when all of a sudden your throat and chest tightened, your eyes start sparkling with tears. Then your eye starts twitching.

You know that you have to stop right now. You don’t know if you’ll be able to go back to studying today. You want to. But you also know that you cannot push yourself, because in the blink of an eye you are drowning in frustration. And there is literally nothing you can do. By now tears roll down your checks in a steady salty stream.

You try to take the pressure off yourself. You try to allow yourself to take a break. But all you really want is to go back to work. But only the thought of Trigonometric functions makes you sick and restless.

Your hands are tied and out of the blue the razor blade feel like your very best friend. But you’re not even strong enough to execute that thought. You try breathing steadily. Calmly. But after inhaling twice you get frustrated because you tried such a stupid exercise. And anger comes up in you. Again: there is nothing you can do. Just another bitter emotion rolling over you. Making you suffocate. Making you wish it was over. Making you wish you could just wake up from this nightmare. But you cannot. You have no idea when it will be over. In a few minutes. A few hours.

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