We all have our rough patches from time to time. Whether we have mental issues or not. The key however is to handle those properly without hurting anyone around us, or getting hurt ourselves.
The first step as always is to realize that something is wrong. For me it is usually the music. Sometimes it feels like music is screaming out all the pain for me. And the next thing I notice is, that I want to write. But there are also more obvious things: Me wanting space. Me being tired and just wanting to stay at home. But the biggest indicator is how often I cry. And at what time. I cry when I am tired. So it is quite normal that I cry in the evening. But if I cry at 8am I know something is wrong. If I walk into a room full of people and after 5 Minutes cannot handle it anymore, and I want to scream or cry and have to leave, I am certainly on edge. I am sure everyone has different signs. We can find out, what they are, by watching ourselves. Are we acting normally? Is what we are doing, what we would usually be doing? Is our reaction appropriate? I used to get very angry and impatient. Which is the next point.
Once we realize that something is wrong, we need to validate. I used to get very angry when I got hurt. And sometimes I still do. Because I cannot or don’t want to admit that I am hurt. Because in my mind I am vulnerable if I am hurt. So I cannot be hurt. But this is so very destructive. It prevents us from dealing with the pain, and therefore we cannot heal. So we need to validate. We need embrace the pain. We need to allow ourselves, to be hurt for sometime. It is alright to take a few days off to take care of ourselves, even when we cannot put our finger on what is wrong. We don’t need to have cuts manifest our pain, to be allowed to be in pain.
So what do we do once we know we are hurting. We need to slow down. We need to take a break and figure out, what we need. Maybe a break is really all we need. Maybe we just need to lower our own expectations of ourselves. Maybe we just need to spend some time healing. That could be anything. I find cleaning out my wardrobe very good. Or going on long walks. Don’t bother with all the things you should be doing and do the things, you want to do. The things that bring you joy. The things that balance you. Yes, this won’t solve everything in a day, nor two. But it allows us to deal with the pain enough that we can live our daily lives again without bursting into tears every other hour.
And after that maybe we can figure out, what got us so hurt in the first place. But maybe there was no reason. And we just have to take care of ourselves a few times every year. And that is okay. People don’t post how they just spend three days staying at home crying on social media. People do not talk about their failures. But everyone has those days where they just want to cry. Everyone fails. And for some people the pain is more intensely. Those who can stand up and admit that are the strong ones. Those who figured out, how they can take good care of themselves in these situations are the smart ones.
Not everyone understands this. Most people do not give it much thought. I believe this is a mistake. Those who never run into intense pain: good for them. But this does not mean, others cannot feel pain that makes them want to turn against themselves. Pain is a very strong motivator. It can explain a lot. What people do. What they say. I think we as a society would be a lot better off, if we were more honest about being in pain. It would raise an awareness and understanding for it, that would help us to feel more understood and deal with pain better, as well as it would help us to help others and help them to deal with pain. Instead of judging and adding to their pain.