Effective Communication

There are two sides to the communication coin. Talking and listening. A while ago I discussed the relationship between them and how we don’t really listen anymore in a blog post called “The amount of talking we do”, so I will not go into details here.

Effective communication is important in all sorts of relationships. From romantic relationships, to the relationships with your friends and families, the relationships with your boss and even the relationship with yourself. We need to learn the skill. If we don’t we run the risk of getting hurt severely. Not being understood is the cause for loneliness but bad communication can also lead to misunderstanding and painful inter-human conflicts.

However, effective communication does not only rely on talking and listening, but also on honesty and clarity. This means we need to have a certain degree of openness, about what we think, how we feel and why. This is important. If I claim a fact and don’t specify that this is only a guess that I am making because it would make sense, it can easily happen that I will be considered a liar if it turns out I was wrong. This however can destroy any relationship, since relationships build on trust. And you cannot trust a liar. The more truthful and specific we are, even if that means confessing, that we are not sure how you feel, the more effective our communication can be.

But only your communication with others benefits from honesty and clarity. The more clearly you are able to express how we feel and what we want, the more we get to know ourselves and the better we can make ourselves happy. It is a matter of mindfulness and it has huge benefits. We need to learn to be honest with ourselves first. Find a way to be honest. This is really tough. Because it includes acknowledging our own shortcomings. But if we cannot be honest with ourselves, we will never be able to be honest with other people and if we cannot be honest with other people we will likely fail at effective communication which will probably lead us to fail at relationships. And we really do not want that.

In context of people talking to much there is one crucial observation left to make: We tend to talk about everything and anything, but the things that are truly relevant. The reason for that is likely our desire to present ourselves in the best possible light. However how we really feel or what exactly is we want is often not so glorious, so we hide it and talk about that trip that we made.

Everyone complains about how fake people are. How society is just full of hypocrites. But they forget to open up and be honest themselves and therefor turn into the exact thing they despise so much. I get it. We try to gain other people’s approval, we try to impress people. But tying back in with talking too much and never listening: Chances are that no one really cares, because everyone is talking and no one is listening and in addition to that, everyone is claiming the same approval-seeking stuff. Why listen when the internet is full of people telling the same sort of lies? But if no one cares, why not be honest? Nothing can happen other than we learn to be honest which will benefit any real relations that we have.

We all must learn to tell the truth and nothing but the truth and tell it as precisely as humanly possible. There will always be slip ups. And of course not everyone needs to know everything. But let’s be very mindful of our words.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s