Tag: working out

What we want to vs. what we have to do

There is no such thing as “I have to do this.” But the alternative is to deal with the consequences.

Last week was exhausting. I had a midterm on Friday and the whole week I kept thinking: “I am so exhausted. I don’t want anything but sleep, but I have to keep going. I need to study.” But when the midterm was over and I had some time to make new to do lists and think about my whole situation I noticed a few things.

  • My real problem was my mindset
  • I wanted to study. I did not want to be sleeping or binging TV
  • But I couldn’t, because I was so tired
  • I’m not tired because of the workload, I am tired because of my mindset and the season

The more we force ourselves to do stuff, we don’t feel like wanting to do, the more tired we get mentally and the less energy we have. Often we just need to remember, why we want to do something. And remember, that we really don’t have to do it, if we don’t want to. This is a very empowering shift in mindset. It allows us to get back in control.

The other problem is the season. There are really nice aspects to it: it is cuddly weather and we get to wear the comfy clothes and drink tea and hot coco all Sunday long. It is perfectly acceptable to just stay in bed and do nothing for a little. We get chestnuts and gingerbread, chocolates and cookies. We light the scented candles and start listening to all the beautiful winter songs again. On the other hand there is the darkness and the cold. We get a Vitamin D deficiency. We dial back our physical activity. And this is what makes us so tired. For me there really just is one thing: more working out and a better sleep schedule. It gives a sense of control and it battles the exhaustion.

And again: we do not have to work out. But I want to. Because I want to study. And I want to be confident. And I want to have energy. And I know that regular work-outs will provide all those things.

The Danger of Anger

Not only is anger dangerous, because it can lead to us destroying things, or hurting ourselves. Not only is it dangerous because it makes us feel bad. The greatest danger that I see in anger is its potential to be a mask. Being mad at someone or something else, even being mad at ourselves can distract us, from what it is that is actually making us feel bad. We get hurt by some, we get angry. We fail anything, we get angry.

But what happens, if we contain the anger and it does not go away on its own? What happens, if we never confront our own state of mind, but keep bottling up? Chances are at some point something goes to pieces. A glass, a plate. Maybe we literally hit a wall or even a human being. But even if we do not lash out we have a problem. Because the moment the anger turns into aggression (and it will do that), we act upon that anger. Sure, there are ways to deal with anger that do not hurt anyone, except for ourselves that is.

We release our anger. Hit a punching bag or go to a gym. But here’s the problem. Unless we actually do a structured workout and just release anger, because we feel like it, we will experience an emotional break down. Because we are getting rid of the mask. We are getting rid of what kept us going. And we experience the entirety of the pain and frustration that we have been bottling up. At least at that point we are facing it, but chances are, that it will just roll over us.

And the only thing we can do, is prepare for the breakdown. Because bottling up even more is never a good idea, and releasing anger in any unsafe setting is just as the name suggests: unsafe. Also: the breakdown may catch us, even if we are in a structured setting. So the only thing we really can do is having chocolate nearby and plan what we will do after working out (or whatever release-method we choose) because if we do not have a plan, emptiness will follow the pain. We will end up parallelized and cold and weak. And the moment we are alone with all those things… that is the moment we may think about harming ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with being angry. It is one of the most human things. But we have to know how to deal with our anger. We need to be able to protect ourselves, from our anger. Otherwise we may get hurt and in reaction need anger to mask our pain again.